"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
