Please, let me fuck your mom
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
