You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
