Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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