If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
