3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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