I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
