If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is the high leading the old right now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
