A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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