I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
