i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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