We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
