the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
