I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
