my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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