I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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