just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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