So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
