When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
