You can't motorboat a personality
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
