I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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