Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
