I need help removing her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
