I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
