He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
