i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
