why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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