mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
