drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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