Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
