This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize