Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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