i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
