the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
