dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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