You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
