I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
