Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
