Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
