As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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