I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
