all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
