My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
