Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
