I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
