me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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