i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
