I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
