are you so shy because you have an std?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
