I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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