you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
