I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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