Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
