A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
